The other day marked my dad’s second heavenly birthday. 
Let me pause for a moment….😞😭

There’s a time when life becomes ever fleeting and everyone gets wrapped up in their own worlds we forget time is passing for the ones who gave us life. 

Time turns into a race. A race with no    determined finish line. 

Grief is there, always. Sometimes I can pack it away in a neat little box in my mind, but it busts through at any random moment.

(Like the kool aid man! 🤣😬)

If I stay busy, I don’t have to think about it right? Right? 

The chaos; the unknown, and the hope before he passed. 

He was treated horribly by the staff at a local hospital when he arrived. I’ll never forget how mad I was when they kept pushing for his condition being from an alcohol withdrawal. 

They asked my brothers if there were alcohol bottles all around him when he was found. 

The man had been a beer drinker after work and on the weekends, but he was sick sick. White blood cell counts through the roof.

And if that poor nurse ever reads this, I wasn’t trying to be rude, but I stood up for him. 

And another nurse started in and I was like no, just no. 

Pretty sure I shocked my brothers, but eh oh well. 

 He developed sepsis from West Nile virus and he was too weak to fight off the virus from his prior conditions. 

And the he’s really gone. 

I find myself chuckling at some home things and say that’s totally a dad thing 🤣 or dad would be proud using duck tape to hold something up. 

He was very…handy, but man oh man…this man installed a hot water heater at his house….didn’t even remove the old one so the new one is sitting in front of the old one 🤣

He was a hardworking man and instilled his work ethic into all of his kids. 

He was so proud of his brand new zero turn lawn mower! Showing it off and talking about it! 

I think about him everyday.

Sometimes I wonder if in some sort of wild universe ways, my book The Summoning I started gosh…many years ago…if the universe was like…the main character of your book deals with this heartache therefore you shall learn of this heartache.

I know not true, I know just ramblings of a wild mind. 

The dreams I keep having are so wild. One in particular dad did get to come home, but he then turned into something wild. I think perhaps; it was my mind telling me whichever way it went, there wouldn’t have been a good outcome. 

He came and gave me a hug in one dream. 

Last night’s dream was about a secret cave on his property and drop dead Fred showed up. Fred was like beetlejuice though and you had to make a deal.

Dad told me when I was pregnant with my second child I should try and keep her in till the 15th of July to share his birthday.

I told him uhhhh that’s 10 days passed my due date.

And he just laughed. 

He is missed by everyone who knew him. 

It was never goodbye. It was always “I’ll see ya.”